(via helloimsl)

Everything is a reminder of you. It’s annoying. I’m that stupid little girl; the one who’s lost and angry.

To be honest I’m not upset, nor am I jealous. I’m disappointed, It’s disappointing to finally realize that i can be kicked to the side.

After all that work of breaking my “wall” down, and getting me to open up to you…Why waste YOUR time and mine?

I don’t know..maybe I sound crazy. I am a stupid little girl…I’m the opposite of what I used to be & it’s all your fault.

I would have never guessed that you’d be this important to me.

Yea it’s been a long time and all but it’s just the fact that I could be pushed aside, and forgotten…and replaced so damn easily.

And I bet everything you said was gibberish, and lies, feelings of little crushes…

It’s not fair though how you’ve had a bigger impact in my life than I’ve had onto yours… I usually end up thinking about “us”.

It’s stupid I know and i do try my best to forget but it’s hard to forget when you were apart of my daily routine.

That’s just stupid. It’s been years; you stopped talking to me because of her; at least try to make that work.

I wished you guys they best, but i should have known it wouldn’t work out.

So now I’m here, broken because you left me..basically for no reason.

But it’s okay, i LOVE rejection.

So I talked to my mom today about my future and who I’ll end up with.

She told me, “Don’t go around liking people, and don’t open your heart to anyone. In the end you’ll just end up hurt, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

She also told me that marrying the one you truly love is rare…I never really thought about that but that’s true.

“Don’t open your heart up to anyone because if someone else has your heart, you’ll never be happy if you marry someone you don’t truly love. And I want you to be happy.”

Oh I love my mom

Unity is very important to my family; from cousins to uncles to inlaws.

Trust is something that must be earned. It takes forever just to gain an ounce of trust.

My family loves and has trust in everyone in our extended families.

BUT what do you do when someone has the nerve to act innocent and screw you over?

Where does the trust go? It fucking disappears.

I didn’t think anyone could ever fuck us over and if we did have to guess, you would be our last guess.

Do I look at you the same way? Do I still look up to you? Do I still I trust you?

The answer is No, No and No.

So what do we do when people we trust the most screw us over?

What do you do when the person you adored, liked, and cared for, no longer shows interest in you?

Do you give them the cold shoulder? Its been a very long year…and I still don’t know what to do,

Maybe I’m just too attached to our relationship.

Now I feel stupid and I feel bad for talking to other people.

But apparently for you it was easy to get over me since I was soo kind..

Eh it doesnt matter anymore.

All I know is that boys are dumb & so are attached girls

sekundez:

I don’t know why, but really .. I’m committed to someone I don’t even have.

(via ohmygoshcarl)

Family means everything to us and what do you do? You screw us over. You have the fucking nerve to take advantage of my mom when damn straight you knew she treated you like a sister.

Fuck, why would you choose now to her; you betrayed her while she’s in pain from her surgery. You fucking took this as a an opportunity to fucking screw her over. And you have the damn nerve to ask if she’s mad?! WTF do you think?

My mom tells me to not hold a grudge, to forgive you, to feel sorry for you & to not lose my respect for you.

FUCK THAT, you’ve lost all the trust and respect that I once had in you. My mom thinks I have no heart because I never seem to care when she cries; but she doesn’t even know how hard it is to look unaffected by her.

Thinking about you screwing us over gets me upset. But thinking about you looking down at my mom, thinking she’s fucking stupid or dumb gets me fucking furious. Who the fuck are you to think like that towards my mother? She’s provided our family so much; she’s smart, and she’s a hard worker.

I don’t just forgive someone in a day, especially if they fucking look down at my mom. I don’t think you’ll ever earn my trust, and honestly I don’t think you deserve respect from me anymore.

HA and I’m not even going to feel sorry for you. Who the fuck are you to look down at my mother, walk all over her, and take advantage of her and betray her?

When i say i hate everyone, you’re no exclusion. I hate you, all of you.

I hate your smile, your eyes, you face, your personality, your voice. I hate how you’re soo nice…it’s so hard to hate a person like you.

Everything drives me crazy; you used to be the person i would go to when i felt sad…now i can’t even tell you how my day went. I wish we didn’t know each other. If we were strangers I would have never realized that a great person like you exists…and i wouldn’t be here sulking around.

Everything that reminds me of you makes me want to just close my eyes and disappear. When someone talks to me about you i just want to go away for a while. It’s like they’re rubbing it in my face of how we’re not together.

I know there will always  be that girl who’s ten times better than me..Who can steal your heart; someday I’m going to capture your heart

Oh i just wanted to point out to you that even though we don’t talk; i don’t go around trying to get countless guys to “forget you” or to “get over you”.

and last thing..If the world for some reason came to an end, i would call and tell you how i really feel.

I don’t know who to go to, i don’t have anyone to vent to. No shoulder to cry on…I’m lost.

My mom went into surgery yesterday and seeing her and hearing her cry made me cry.

I didn’t cry in front of her; i knew crying in front of her would just give her more pain.

There’s no one that i can just talk to about anything. I feel as if i’m stuck; not able to cry or show emotion. Which is weird. I was the only one who looked uninterested…I couldn’t help it; if i broke this “protective barrier” then i knew for a fact that i would be crying for hours…and i couldn’t do that. Not in front my mom; i have to be strong for her when nobody else can.

This would be the perfect time where you come back into my life and be here for me.

My father, my brother and I slept in the room with her to comfort her.

She asked us “How can you sleep while i’m crying?”…I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to say, so i just stood there. I’m so stupid...my comforting words aren’t helpful.

“I want you guys to go home and rest, i don’t want you to get sick”..I didn’t reply. I knew if anything came out of my mouth, tears would rush out afterwards.

When she’d cry i’d just lay there. i’ve never seen my mom in so much pain; seeing her in a neck brace and seeing the tears stream down her face…

I would do anything to switch places.

At times i’d tell her that “A few days of pain is better than having it for years more”.

So hopefully the surgery is successful, and i hope that she doesn’t have to deal with pain throughout her spine and arm anymore.